Sunday, September 7, 2025


My poem "mulberries" published in Salish Magazine

Recently I had a new poem published in Salish Magazine's summer 2025 issue.  Their theme was berries, and hooray, I happened to have written a poem about mulberries.  They don't grow wild in the PNW, as far as I know, but the editor liked my poem nevertheless.  Thanks, Salish!

You can see my poem and other poems about berries here: https://salishmagazine.org/poetry-28-a/  One of these poets, Nancy Taylor, is my student!  Double hooray!

mulberries

by Amanda Williamsen

there is a dirt road — a steep hill — rainwater ruts crisscrossing
the road and rolling to a mossy canal — there are three steel culverts,
an earthen berm for a bridge — and a girl on a blue bicycle, flying
downhill — through the woods, over the canal, out from shade
into blinding sun — whipping down the farmer’s lane — her eyes shut
— this lane lined with wild mulberry trees — her long black hair
snapping behind her like a torn flag — arms shaking — knees bent, thighs
bunched — hunched and hovering like a jockey who never touches the saddle —
gravel scatters — and the wind drags tears over her temples and into her hair

in the floodplain now, the road a straight shot to the river — acres of corn
flapping past— their green applause—and the mulberry trees sparkle
with jewels, gleaming fruit in every shade of ripeness — a hard, unready
white — a pink like the inside of a clamshell — bitter crimson — feral
purple — and a black so rich it falls in the road — in ruts dug deep
by the heavy combine — puddles after thunderstorms — the bicycle tires
spray mud onto her legs — she can stand, can rake a hand
through the branches — snatch some chattering leaves and a berry or two —
she can peel out before she hits the abandoned white cottage on the bank

this is June — is July — is August — is the summer she is fourteen —
sharing the bike and the mud — picking mulberries with her sister
— and their neighbor with a pretty blond ponytail — and the boy with the boat —
this quartet in the kitchen when she — ta da! — pulls a mulberry cream pie
from the freezer — she made it herself — have some? — and only the boy
shrugs and gives it a try — it’s terrible — truly awful — but he smiles —
and now what, all these mulberries — what else are they good for —
tie-dyeing, of course — and it’s back to the riverbank with T-shirts and twine —
a soup kettle carried through the corn — a little fire — sticks from the stick pile —
the fire too small to boil the berries bobbing in river water — and the shirts won’t
sink — they must be weighted down with rocks — after an hour the girl
who made mulberry cream pie puts out the fire with mulberry stew and stones

they untie the shirts — but there’s no purple sunburst — just a sloppy
lavender swirl — and four sighs — and later, after their mothers
wash the shirts, all that’s left is a feathery smudge — like a wing print
made of smoke — shadow of a shadow at noon — a girlhood, a ghost too soon



More Gardening with ADHD

ADHD:  How do I Live with This Stuff?


 Okay, fine, I have ADHD, too, the inattentive type.

In the year since my last post, I've learned more about ADHD through my son's diagnosis and struggles.  He's eleven now.  I love him to pieces.  I'm trying to help him see the benefits of ADHD, but he's currently got  a glass-half-empty kind of attitude.  ADHD and school struggles are really bringing him down.  

Here are the benefits I tell him about.

1.  Powers of super-concentration on things he loves.

2.  A remarkable ability to visualize things in 3D.  

3.  The ability to perceive the world differently, to notice things others overlook, to find solutions to problems that others might not think of.

And here are the responses I get.

1.  I can't concentrate on school, and that's what I have to spend my days doing.

2.  How can I become an architect if I can't memorize the multiplication table?

3.  I am a dummy, and my classmates probably think so, too.

"What?" I cry. "No!  No, sweetie, not at all."

He doesn't believe me.

My poor kid.  My darling boy.  I wish he could see himself the way his father and I do.  Two years ago, when we took him to a learning specialist to discover what was troubling him in school, he was given an IQ test among many other quizzes and puzzles.  The little dude scored really high.  Like, very, very high.  We're not gonna give him the number.  We're not even going to mention such a test to him, though we have tried to say that in addition to the learning differences (we don't say disability), he has a fantastic ability to learn.  His mind is amazing, we tell him.  We say, you have a gift of nature right there in your skull, and you can learn and do amazing things!

A few days ago, in a fit of anger at himself for making mistakes in school, he raged in his room, throwing stuff and yelling awful things about himself.  Then he jumped from the top of his bunk bed onto a fort he'd built from sheets and bookcases.  That fort was like his heart.  He would read there and curl up with the cats when he felt sad.  It was his refuge.  When he wrecked it, I felt deeply concerned.  So did my husband and daughter.  

She's eight.  She has boundless empathy for her brother.  If he's sad, she brings him cats and stuffed animals and strokes his hair.  If he's angry, she's angry, too, at whatever is making him mad.  If he cries, she does, too.

This past weekend, she helped her brother rebuild his fort.  I helped, too.  It's bigger and better than before.  


Turtles and Scurvy


Here's part of another essay from my manuscript on parenting with ADHD.  


 Turtles and Scurvy


Today my kids had chocolate covered almonds for breakfast. They were the kind that are dusted in cocoa powder, not slathered in actual chocolate, so that was sort of okay. (Pro parenting tip:  Things that are sort of okay are usually sufficiently not bad.)  While driving to school, I took the bag of almonds from them (at a stoplight) and passed back a container of fresh raspberries I’d snagged on our way out of the house.

“Hey!” they said. “Give us back the almonds!”

“Eat the raspberries first.”

“But we don’t want raspberries!” they said. I have to use plural pronouns to attribute their speech because I can’t remember which kid said what. Their collective sentiments are a whiny blur. To whit: “Why are you trying to make us eat raspberries?”

“I think you know why.”

“Because you’re mean?”

“Try again, dumbass.”

Because I was irritated and concentrating on driving, the irony of this statement slipped past me and smacked them silly. (Thank you, irony.)

“Sorry,” I said. I believe apologizing to your kids when you mess up is good parenting, and I give myself lots of opportunities to be a good parent. 

We spent the rest of the drive to school snorting and laughing. I taught the kids that raspberries are full of Vitamin C, just like citrus fruits, and we need Vitamin C to stay healthy. Also, I told them that long ago, British sailors were called limies because they took hundreds of limes with them on long voyages. 

“Hence this well-known aphorism: A lime a day keeps the scurvy away.”

“That’s not how it goes, Mom.”

“Sure it is. Those sailors lived on limes and turtles for months.”

We laughed more as I told them about tortoises on the Galapagos Islands and how sailors used to raid the place like a 7-11, taking on a few dozen tortoises like modern travelers grab donuts and Coke. The tortoises could stay alive, unfed, for a very long time, which was important because refrigeration had not been invented yet. Sailors rolled them into the hold and stored them upside down. Later, the sailors cooked them in their own shells.

“Poor tortoises!”

“Why didn’t they run away?”

“Because they’re tortoises, dum— darling.”

More laughs. They pretended to be tortoises set upon by sailors, using stuffy-nose-sounding voices and slow-motion profanity.

“Nooooooo…..!  Run awaaaaaaaaay…..!”

“Oh, they got meeeeee….!   Fuuuuuuuuuu—”

“Hey.”  I had to interrupt that potentially profane tortoise. We were pulling into the drop off lane at school. I stretched my neck toward an imaginary captor just past the windshield, saying in a turtle-voice, “I will bite your faaaaaaaaaace…..!” I slowly opened my mouth, trying to look fearsome, pulling in my lower jaw to suggest a reptilian, beakish overbite. The kids laughed more. I pretended to gnaw on the steering wheel. Just then I locked eyes with a teacher who was directing traffic.

She glanced in the backseat. By the way her face relaxed, I could tell that whatever long-standing questions she had had about my kids’ behavior had just been answered. 

I dried the steering wheel with my sleeve and dutifully pulled forward. Now it was time for the kids to get out. I reminded them not to ride the bus home because I would pick them up after school and take them to theatre class. Lionel hopped out of the car, but Annabelle began to cry. She had been crying off and on since last night, worried about her math test, friendship drama, and the cretins (her word) who talked loudly in her sacred refuge, the library. I gave her a pep talk.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Mom!” she growled.

“Have a good day, honey.”

“I hate you!”

“I know.”

After she got out, I found a parking place and emailed her teacher from my iPhone. “…Just wanted to let you know that Annabelle is feeling anxious about her math test today…trouble making a friend…feeling fragile…”  Her teacher and I would exchange a few messages that day. She’s a kind person, caring about her students’ emotions as well as their learning. For now, though, I watched Annabelle wipe her eyes and stomp to the school doors. I sat in the car, worrying about her, hoping her day would improve, feeling like a hard-hearted parent for making her go to school when she was upset. “You will regret this choice!” she’d said before slamming the car door. But I didn’t want to set a precedent for staying home when upset; that would quickly lead to a lot of absences.

I sat there a little longer. I saw a police car pull over a driver who had been speeding in the school zone. Then I drove to the town pool. I was looking forward to swimming some laps, but I never got out of the car. I just wasted an hour playing SET on my phone. It’s a game of pattern recognition with no words, very relaxing to look at shapes and colors. Before I knew it, lap swimming time was over. I betook myself to my office (Starbucks) to work with words.

After school, I inched through the maze of orange cones the teachers had set up in the parking lot so the traffic could snake around the school and get off the road. Annabelle called me from her kid-phone—“Where are you?!”—“I’m in the line, honey.”—and after about ten minutes of crawling forward behind a herd of minivans, which left me barely enough time to get to theatre class, I finally picked up the kids and…. Oh, dear….

Only the kid without ADHD was there. The other kid had apparently forgotten about theatre and boarded the school bus as usual. So I inched my way to a parking spot, got out, and ran with Annabelle to the other side of the school, hoping to find his bus before it left. I would step onboard and use my teacher-voice to shut the kids up and my Jedi thought-powers to pluck my kid from his seat. But Annabelle was tugging on my arm, saying how embarrassing that would be. 

“I’m not embarrassed,” I assured her.

“I know. Pleeeeeeease don’t do it, Mom.”

We were too late anyway, and I had to drive home behind the darned bus, kids pointing at me out the back windows, to fetch Lionel.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Gardening with ADHD

Gardening with ADHD


Most days, I work in my yard.  My lovely, rainy, 2 and 1/3 acre yard. Because our home is on a slope, I've started to think of the yard in terms of levels.  In front of the house is the first level, which includes a looped, gravel driveway, a driveway island full of modern looking plants from the previous owners, and a sun-blasted, smaller slope to the north at the side of the driveway.  The second level is the backyard, a carefully created flat spot with a grassy lawn and some bordering flower beds.  The third level lies eastward, about ten feet below the lawn.  This place resumes the gentle slope of the land toward our woods, but it is preceded by a sharp slope, sharper than a 45 degree angle, where the edge of the buttressed, engineered flat lawn tumbles steeply to the third level.  And the fourth level is the edge of the woods.  So many possibilities! We even have a fifth area of the yard on the south side of the house where the previous owners planted fruit trees.

A doctor once told me I have ADHD.  I didn't believe him.

When I work in my yard, I can go for hours and hours without noticing that lunchtime has come and gone, or that it's starting to rain, or that my hands are hurting from digging hundreds of tiny holes for hundreds of tiny allium bulbs.

Before I had children, I taught seventh grade literature at a small private school in California.  I also taught ninth grade writing.  And advised a student social activism club.  And directed a small band.  And tutored kids during lunch hour.  And taught music lessons after school.  And graded essays all weekend, every weekend.  Probably sixty or more hours of work per week.  My stomach began to hurt.  I went to the doctor, and after I'd filled out several questionnaires, he diagnosed me with ADHD.

Huh?  What kind of quackery health care had I stumbled into?

I told the doctor I couldn't possibly have ADHD because as a child, I'd always done well in school.  He asked if I had liked school.  Yes, I said.  Socially, it was awful, but academically, I enjoyed it.  (I left the socially awful part out of my answer.  I was painfully shy and for many years I had just one friend.)  Well, said this doctor, people with ADHD can actually concentrate very well—on the things they enjoy.  Concentrating on the mundane stuff is hard.

I remained skeptical.  He prescribed a new-fangled medicine that was absorbed through the skin via a two inch square, clear sticker.  I felt like I was trying to quit smoking as I discreetly peeled up the hem of my shirt to put on "the patch" in the teachers' room at school. (Often, I forgot to put it on at home, so I kept the box in my purse.) The medicine made me jittery, so I stopped using it. Clearly, I thought, this had been a mistake. Both the medicine and the diagnosis.  

Back to my garden.  I have a few projects going on right now, all in various stages of completion.  On Level One, I'm eradicating a ground cover called Creeping Jenny from the driveway island.  It makes yellow flowers, and I don't want yellow there; I only want blue, pink, and white.  Creeping Jenny has tiny roots that go deep, and it spreads through those wandering roots AND through runners it sends out above ground.  I enjoy the detail work of loosening the soil and gently shaking it free from the Jenny roots.  These I throw over my shoulder into the driveway.  I suppose I could put them in a basket to carry them to the yard waste bin when I'm through, but I usually start working before I think of a basket, and then I just pour myself into the task of getting all those tiny roots out.  Can't leave any behind or the Jenny will come back.  Ooh, they are tiny!  And white.  And delicate.  And ooh, sometimes I'll see a tree frog, and I'll photograph it with my phone, then crop the photo so it looks extra cute, then text it to my sister and my mom and my aunt.

ADHD, my foot.

Well, I'm not done removing the creeping Jenny yet.  That stuff is everywhere.  Meanwhile, I've removed a knot of Shasta daisies that were blocking the view of a miniature Japanese maple tree, and I transplanted them to several other spots in the yard, including the parched mini-slope north of the driveway.  I've been transplanting wild foxgloves there, too, (they grow all over the yard, volunteer-style), and I've been crumbling hunks of a half-decomposed cedar log into mulch for them.  I found the log in the woods and put part of it in an old laundry basket (there, you see I've used a basket) to haul it up the hill.  I'm thinking of building a set of stairs on this slope or maybe removing the grass on the flattest part and making a fire pit.  Or both.

It's been twelve years since Dr. Nonsense said I have ADHD.  In the intervening years, I had two kids, one of whom struggles to concentrate in school, even though he can focus on his Legos for hours.  His school struggles were significant enough to warrant a visit to a doctor, and after a lot of referrals and tests and papers to fill out, he was diagnosed with ADHD.  Apparently, the condition is hereditary.  But he can concentrate just fine on his Legos, I said.  And his doctor (actually four doctors) said that part of ADHD is the ability to hyper-focus.  On the things you like.

I liked school.  My son likes Legos.

Oh, dear.

Well, I have many more garden projects on Levels 2 through 5 of the garden.  Making terraces.  Transplanting trees.  Ripping out brambles.  Stabilizing the steeper hillsides with myrtle and more Shasta daisies.  I'm slowly expanding the garden into the forest, planting English bluebells, which will naturalize and make the place look like a BBC adaptation of an Edwardian novel for a few weeks each spring.

Meanwhile, my kid is trying a medicine (a different one than mine) to help him concentrate on the stuff he doesn't like, and I, as an adult, have the luxury of not concentrating on the stuff I don't like.  Not even washing the dishes.  They pile up.  I buy paper plates.

A friend recently asked about my blog.  I said I was writing about gardening with ADHD.  Where's the entry? she said.  And I said, Oops, I forgot to finish it.  Now, this doesn't mean I dislike my blog, just as all those half-finished garden projects don't mean that I dislike gardening.  I prefer to think that my creativity cannot be contained in one place.

So there I am, day after day, fluttering from the Creeping Jenny, to the eroding slope, to the steps I made from stones, to the wood chip pile, to the sandy bank in the woods where I load soil into my wheelbarrow, to my husband who reluctantly pushes the wheelbarrow that I've overfilled up the hill.  He says I could just call a landscaping place and have a dumptruck deliver a load of topsoil to the top of the hill where I need it, but I say there is no reason to do that when I have perfectly good soil at the bottom of the hill.

Besides, why would anyone buy dirt from a dirt store?  Who keeps such a business solvent?  People with hills and no wheelbarrows?  My native Ohio thriftiness says I should not buy dirt.

Where was I going with all this?

I've got a lot going on.  So has my kid.  But ADHD has its strengths.  Mine are spreading over our acres, faster than the Creeping Jenny, and I'm working to help my kid discover his own strengths.






Thursday, November 1, 2018

CA Poets Laureate gathering and a poem for my cat.

Hi, everyone,

Here I am reading a poem at a gathering of California Poets Laureate, past and present, organized by California Poet Laureate Dana Gioia with help from the amazing Connie Post, past Poet Laureate of Livermore, who keeps a directory of all California PLs!  Thank you, Connie.  And thanks to Farah Sosa, Courtesy of the California Arts Council, for the photo.



This early October 2018 gathering was the first time all the PLs were in one place.  Gioia talked about how poetry is the fastest growing art form in America, measured by book sales and participation in our communities.  Poetry is the most concise and powerful form of writing.  Poetry gives a voice to those who otherwise might not have one.  And community Poets Laureate democratize the art form, bringing it down from its ivory tower and dispelling the notion that only those with an erudite education can "understand" poetry.  Poetry is for everyone!  We are all equal in the eyes of poetry.  

Use your words.  

Here is my poem, published in red wheelbarrow, the literary journal of De Anza College.  My long-suffering husband, bless him, sits in the audience and grimaces whenever I read this poem.  

______________


Hang On A Little Bit Longer, Honey
for Petra

Shortly after we are married, my husband gets me to say 
that if he and my cat were dangling from a cliff, and I could only 
save one, that I would save him.  We are in bed when I say this.  

I know.  Already you can see where this is going.  He’s been asking me 
for some time, and when we were engaged, I always said the cat.  
But now I say, I would save you, honey.  He’s curled up behind me, 

his knees to my thighs, the smooth tops of his feet pressed 
to the bottoms of mine.  He has nice feet.  I would save you, I say, 
and he pulls me in tight to his chest.  And I pull the cat to mine.  

Now you have to understand that this cat and I go way back.  
I’m talking about Hamburger Helper when I couldn’t afford 
the hamburger, and an apartment where a bat flew into the bathroom 

one time.  But that’s another poem.  What I want to say here 
is that the cat burrows under the covers, turning in her usual circles, 
and lifts her pink nose to mine.  She weighs fourteen pounds.  

Most of that was put there by me, and by mayonnaise, but I never 
mention that to the vet because she really likes it.  Don’t judge.  
I kiss my cat’s cool ears and smell her head, and she thrums hard 

against my chest.  Cats do this, you know, to heal one another.  
Saw it on a nature show.  In a colony, they gather around the downed 
one and purr it back to life, or into the next.  It’s a good send off.  

So I ask you, what doesn’t this cat know of love?  She is patient 
and solid as a bowling ball.  And she looks at me in green certainty,
like she would at the cliff, if her clipped claws were slipping on the rock.  

____________



Oh, my cat Petra and I loved each other very much.  She passed away in 2014.  Before I met my husband, Petra and I were each other's roommates and best friends.  Now my husband is my best friend.  Petra knew this.  One night when we were sleeping, she hopped up on his pillow and peed on his head.  Bad cat.  He leaped up and chased her around the house, yelling a string of expletives that amounted to "bad cat" and a bunch of threats.  I was trying so hard not to laugh.  Is that horrible of me?  I just had the feeling that if I laughed at that moment, it would have done damage to my relationship with hubby.  Oh, Petra.  That was very wrong of you.  But I still love you, and I know that in cat heaven you are loving me, too.



Thursday, September 22, 2016

Banana Slugs to the Rescue

The first time my kids saw a banana slug, they were freaking out.  They were stamping their feet and screaming in the corner of the yard at the edge of the woods.

"Come quick, Mom!  You gotta see this!"

"Okay, okay.  I'm coming."

"Hurry, Mom!  It's getting away!"

My husband and I were like, Wow.  We moved here just in time.

In Cupertino, our old Silicon Valley home, one day we saw a raccoon squished in the road.  Two turkey vultures were swooping around it.  It was on a pretty busy street in a residential neighborhood.  ("Busy street" and "residential neighborhood" should not belong together.)  One turkey vulture had landed on the carcass.  As I drove around the corner and saw it, I was amazed at the enormity of it.  Giant black wings.  Hunched neck.  Just like an ancient, roadkill-eating demon.  It flew off when I drove near.  So I circled the block and parked the car near the raccoon.  I had to park half a block away to find a bit of shade that would allow us to sit there, waiting for the vultures to return.

"Why are we sitting here, Mom?" whined the kids.  "I thought we were going to Target."

"We are witnessing the wonders of nature, kids."

Nature.  Yeah, right.  I can't say that this was the time when I realized that Silicon Valley could not afford my kids the kind of life I wanted to give them.  This was actually the forty-seventh millionth time.

"Why is that raccoon in the road, Mom?"

"It's dead," I said.

"Maybe a car hit it," said my seven-year-old son.

"Maybe it just got dead," said my four-year-old daughter.

We waited about twenty minutes.  Many other cars continually zoomed past as the vultures circled and circled above the houses.  They didn't land again.

The cool thing about banana slugs is that they can't get away.  "Hurry, Mom!  It's getting away!" is not something my kids have to worry about.  They are no longer ignorant of its powers of locomotion.  And there are plenty of them to observe.  They, too, are animals that take care of organic material.  Could they be the vultures of the forest floor?

They can't get away, which make them the perfect introductory animal.  We see them in the garden, in the woods, on the porch steps, in the bushes, and even on the compost bin in the mornings, slurping their way around its conical shape, stretched out to their full length, sagging in the middle into a sloppy C shape.  Into a banana shape.

My husband and I plan to get them into backpacking shape so we can take them on long trips in the Olympic National Park, an hour away.  It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen, after Lake Superior. A month ago, we took the kids on a two mile hike in the Elwha River Valley.  They complained pretty much the whole time.  I tried to get them to sing boy scout songs with limited success.  But just a few days ago, we took them on a five mile hike and they loved it!  We were on the Dungeness Spit.  And now we are highly encouraged.

They like the beach, the tide pools, the otters we see offshore.  They like blackberry picking.  Soon, they will like sleeping on the ground under the stars.

Kids, we are witnessing the wonders of nature.


"Ophelia" published in The Doctor T. J. Eckleburg Review

Howdy, readers,

Check out my latest publication from July 2016.

http://thedoctortjeckleburgreview.com/works/poetry/poetry-ophelia/

This website will allow you contribute $2.00 to support my artistry.  Oh, yeah…  I'm telling you this because when you go to the link, you may be thinking, A) what's up with this?, or B) thank goodness I can now send Amanda two dollars.  :-)

This is a really cool journal.  Browse the website and enjoy it.  I send gratitude to Poetry Editor Natalie Homer for selecting my poem.  I had originally submitted it to a different journal for which she is a reader.  She liked my poem but was overruled by the editors.  Then she became the poetry editor at Eckleburg.  She remembered my poem, looked me up, and asked to publish it.  How wonderful!  Thank you.


Ophelia

Oh, how overdone
I am, swamp-logged,
blue-lipped. Poets
invoke my pickled virginity. 
All my life: “I know not
what to say, my lord.”
Now I know. Little girls
want to be me on Halloween,
wrapping themselves in weeds
and torn lingerie. I never
owned a white brocade
anything. But somehow
I am their adolescent
anthem, the early pure
death, flower-drowned,
bound in my own braids.
It’s embarrassing. Their reedy
legs remind me of herons
in the marsh where I was found,
my hymen grown soggy
and pecked out by a beak. 
Death consummates,
not consecrates, even me,
fifteen and spot-faced.
Bride of a bird. Bride
of mud. Spare me Mr.
Millais and his Pre-Raphaelite
pomposity. I never 
looked half so good dry.

Amanda Williamsen